WARNING: Guest Blogger!!!

Linz has given me permission to blog this week. I would say that's a dangerous proposition, but she's supervising as I write this.
I haven't really had a chance to express my feelings about the pregnancy and impending fatherhood, so Lindsey thought this would be the perfect chance.
Truth is ... I'm nervous about being a father. I find myself anticipating certain events, like how I'll handle discipline and encouragement. I question whether I'll be adequate. Will my son look up to me or will he look at me with disdain? I don't really know if I'm cut out for this. I wake up in the middle of the night in a huge panic sometimes. The closer the due date gets the more nervous I get. I don't think I'm prepared .... PSYCHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to kick ass as a father. I can't wait for this kid to get here so I can impart my own twisted brand of corruption. Ha ha! Lindsey is yelling at me right now for writing this. Look how pretty she is at 31 weeks pregnant. She isn't swollen anywhere except her BELLY!!!!!!!


Jack moves around a lot. Sometimes I feel him punching and kicking. Sometimes I feel him have the hiccups. Other times I think he's doing body rolls and the worm.
"Are you going to be a good dancer, Jack?" Lindsey said.
Hell yes. He's FILIPINO. We got skillz.
Anyway, I don't really care if he can dance or anything like that. As long as he's good looking, funny, smart, athletic and has perfectly straight teeth like his daddy!
Like me, Boudin is also ready to have a playmate. He's going to be a great big brother. Let's be honest. We treat the dog like a human. But we can't help it. He's such a cute precious!!! Don't judge me ... well, ok, you can judge me, because I sure as hell judge others.
"Don't put that Bobs!" Linz said. "Give me the computer back."
We got to hang out with the Cooper Clan last weekend. Look how cute the Cooper kids are. Payton is the cutest little girl I have ever seen. She smiles all the time and she loves to lay on my belly. I think its the heat.
Josh is growing up so fast. Linz and I were just talking about how we were there for the very first sound he made, and that he's becoming a little boy now. He carries on conversations with us. And he doesn't lack confidence.
"Who's the best player on your soccer team?" I asked.
"Me," he said. No hesitation. No doubt in his tiny head that he was the alpha dog on The Strikers. It's because he is the fastest, he said.
I've seen him in action, and he's pretty damn good. I don't know where he gets it, must be from his dad. His mom has two left feet. Ha ha. Just kidding.

My boy Kelly got engaged last week. He surprised his old lady by coming in early from officer training school on her birthday (Aug. 23). For those who know him, you'll understand that he had an intricate and convoluded plan to propose. I can't remember all the details, but it involved presents in different locations, a trip to the place they first met and him reciting the last line of some Taylor Swift song.
"You know how I know you're gay?" I asked after he told about the Taylor Swift song. "Because you have a Taylor Swift song memorized."
I don't even know who Taylor Swift is. It sounds like the name of the title character in a Charles Dickens novel.
Anyway, congratualtions Kelly. Not only do you get a wife, you also get a kid, and you don't even have to attend any child birth classes. Lucky bastard.

Here is Linz's classroom. That's all I have to say.
"You don't want to talk about how I'm a hard worker," said Linz.
Linz is a really hard worker. Look at her class. Nuff said.


The end.

P.S.
This'll probably be the last blog I get to write. So in case I don't get to do this again, PLEASE READ THE NEWSPAPER. IT'LL BOOST YOUR I.Q. BY 10 POINTS. AND I KNOW A LOT OF YOU NEED THAT EXTRA BRAIN POWER.

HOLLATCHA BOY!!!!